You can never go back home

Remember the good old days?

When life was simple?

When people were kind?

Television was good?

Comedians were funny?

I grew up hearing old Russian grandpas complaining that the good old days were gone.

They’re not alone.

A recent poll shows that a majority of Americans think that our culture was better in the past.”Anxiety, Nostalgia, and Mistrust: Findings from the 2015 American Values Survey” (PPRI.org).

This happens with young people too. Many of us are still obsessively chasing past highs. We seek the ecstatic joy of our first music festival.

We crave the immersive awe of our first movie.

We long for the irrevocable passion of that first kiss.

We yearn for the tantalizing depth of our first religious experience.

We lust after that first vacation, where our senses were awash in wonder. And yet, each time we return to that same place, where we first built our altar of joy, we only find a shadow.

It is no longer the same.

We try to recreate those moments.

But nothing feels the same. why?

1. Our brains remember things happier than they really were
2. Many studies have shown that we are wired to forget negative feelings, and only remember the positive ones.

For example, people were shown horror films and asked to rate their experience (1 ) during the movie (2) a couple of weeks later

When asked during the film, they said they were very frightened, but two weeks later they said the film wasn’t scary at all.

Immediacy bias in emotion perception: Current emotions seem more intense than previous emotions, Van Boven, Leaf,White, Katherine, Huber, Michaela Retrieval-Induced Forgetting Predicts Failure to Recall Negative Autobiographical Memories, by Benjamin C. Storm, Tara A. Jobe How Memory Bias Engenders Nostalgic Preferences, by Dr Carey K. Morewedge Autobiographical Memory and Culture by Qi Wang

We have forgotten thousands of horrible movies from the 90’s, but only remember those that made us cry, laugh, and dream.

And we compare those few amazing films, to every horrible movie made today.

“We base our judgment of the past on its best moments, but base our judgment of the present on both its good and bad.” Dr. Carey K. Morewedge

2. We were virgins, easily wooed, because everything was new In addition, what made those moments so memorable was that we had nothing else to compare them to.

The first ice cream you tried was mediocre, but to you, an ice-cream-virgin, it was truly “the best ice cream I’ve ever tasted.”

Ten years and a hundred ice cream brands later, you remember that giant tub of $1.99 Walmart ice cream. You’ve tried ice creams ten times more expensive, flavorful, creamy, and smooth.

And yet, none are as memorable as that first one - because you had no previous experience to compare it to.

And even when you return to that rickety grocery store, and buy that same tub of $1.99 ice cream, its not as good anymore. Because now you can compare it to every other ice cream youve had since then.

3. The only way to go back is to go forward It’s as though you once had an amazing vacation in Paris which is one of your happiest memories.

Now you are desperately chasing that high, trying to go back every year to recapture the original experience.

But each visit leads to disappointment. It just doesnt feel the same. There is no more sense of awe and wonder.

Perhaps it’s time to visita new city and build new memories? By trying to recreate the past, you are robbing it of the very thing that made it so memorable - it was new and unexpected.

By trying to live in the past, you are missing on the very thing that made it enjoyable - living in the moment and trying something new.I’m sorry but you can never recreate your first visit to Disneyland. (And it probably wasnt as good as you remember.)

But you can make babies and take them for their first visit - in that you will create a totally new experience.

The only way to go back, is to go forward.