What do all humans want

What is the ultimate aim of all human beings? To be loved and to be loveable (worthy of that love)

That’s what Adam Smith, the father of economics and capitalism, says about human nature.

“Man naturally desires, not only to be loved, but to be lovable or to be that thing which is the [deserving] object of love. He naturally dreads, not only to be hated, but to be hateful; or to be that thing which is the [deserving] object of hatred. ”

I agree. In fact, I think most, if not all, human behaviors can be explained by this fact.

Even if it doesnt seem that way, behind the surface of our more visible needs, we all want to be loved & lovable.

While someone flicking through tinder may want pleasure foremost, beneath the surface is a deeper need: to be desired and admired.

This explains so much, for example:

Why do people get plastic surgery? Because by sculpting one’s body into the image that they think is desirable, they hope to find themselves desired by others and to be worthy of desire. What matters is not only that others think they are lovely, but that they also think it about themselves.

Why do people want to be wealthy? In part because it’s nice to be safe from worry, to have toys and lavish exploits. But ultimately, it will make you stand out and become the object of admiration. People will notice you and want to become like you. And when others want to be you, then surely you are praiseworthy.

Why do people seek out fame?

This is quite obvious. People seek out public positions because being in the spotlight makes one feel that they are worthy of attention. If others think you are special, surely you are special? This is why people are drawn to politics, corporate leadership, and Hollywood. It’s also why people become pastors… or bloggers. Like everyone else we want to be loved and lovable.

Why do people obey OR rebel? It’s for this reason there are “people pleasers.” By being kind and serving others, they hope to earn praise. By being submissive they avoid hate. Less obviously, the rebels want the same thing. By rebelling, they indicate their thinking is better. By scoffing they show they are superior. And superior things deserve to be admired.

But is there anything wrong with wanting to be loved and love-worthy? Absolutely not. It’s what makes us human. Its what makes us build, create, improve, and cooperate. But there is a problem most of us have. We focus so much on wanting to be loved, that we don’t have time to be become worthy of that love. We focus so much on getting admiration, we forget to become someone truly worthy of admiration.

On Instagram, for example many of us falsely portray our situation or appearance (buying fake followers, using misleading captions or edits, or by simply lying).

In real life, we buy fake purses, we pretend we can afford luxury brands while drowning in debt. We rent sexy sports cars to show off. We lie on our resumes and hyper-inflate our job descriptions in stories to our friends.

If we would only take the time we waste seeking admiration and use it to make ourselves admirable, we would get the love we seek.

Sadly too many of us seek praise without becoming praiseworthy.

But you don’t want to be praised for something you are not. That is not praise, it is an insult: a reminder of what you could be, but are not.

Instead of using Photoshop to augment our looks… Work on actually improving them by eating healthy and working out.

Instead of trying to pretend you are rich or smart… Get educated and work hard to start a new job or business.

Instead of collecting fake followers to become a generic “influencer”… Create content that is so artful or helpful that real people enjoy it.

Instead of wasting time seeking out empty admiration…

Do something that benefits others. For the surest way to become valued is to bring value to others first.