Talking to God - five questions from an agnostic ex-preacher

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Talking to God - five questions from an agnostic ex-preacher

February 4, 2015

I’m often asked “what if you’re wrong? What if you stand before God? What would you say?”
I believe the expectation is that I would fall down and feel utterly shameful for vehemently hating God. Except that I don’t and never have hated God, I’m simply very doubtful that the kind of God that people preach about really exists, the kind of God who lets millions of children in Africa suffer and die for a mysterious reason, but helps wealthy footballers win sports trophies, the kind of God who says he loves everyone and will do everything for their good, but will also torture them forever if they didn't died before accepting his offer of kindness. That kind of God is a contradiction, that kind of God simply cannot exist.

It’s a foolish world we live in, where sincere questions about an idea are reinterpreted as hatred against a person. To reiterate, I don’t hate God, I simply don’t think the particular depiction of God that evangelicals promote is real. If I though he was, I would never be at the philosophical position where I am; it’s absurd to think otherwise. But lets put that aside.

But what if he existed and I stood before him?

What would I do? Would I cower in shame?

Would I run and hide? Would I ask for the mountains to fall upon me?

No.

For why should I run and hide? What have I done that I should fear a perfectly good being?

I have never done anything to intentionally hurt a particular God that I think exists, I don’t hate any particular version of any particular God, so why should I be afraid? Is God malevolent? Is he spiteful? Is he hateful? Is he violent? Is he dangerous? Is he the kind of person you should be afraid of? A man who lives an honest life does not fear an honest judge, he only fear a corrupt judge, a judge that cannot empathize or understand, a judge that is more interested in cruelty than kindness.

No, if I met God I would not run and scream, I would ask to sit next to him, and quietly ask him some questions.
Perhaps I would start off by saying:
“Dear God, I know that you're eons above me, and perhaps you owe me nothing at all, but may I please ask you some questions? You saw my heart and know that I was sincere, I made the best choices with the information you made available to me, and that led me to conclude that the picture they drew of you was wrong, or that you didn’t exist at all. Now that I can plainly see I was wrong, I want to understand how. Seeing you doesn't clarify the big issues I have had. Can you help me with some of the difficult questions that your followers haven’t been able to answer?”
And I would sit there and ask God some questions.

1. Why did you stay so hidden?

I've spent so many years looking for you, I've studied science and philosophy, I've studied the Bible, and a little bit of the books of other religions. I read the arguments and studies, I did the calculations, hoping and seeking, but all I really wanted to was to be your friend, to know you were real. You saw that I devoted thousands of hours praying to you, talking to you, asking you to show me you were more than a figment of my imagination. And all those times you never answered, not even once. Not even for one second. There were hundreds of occasion where I had to make up answers in my head, hoping they were from you, but deep down I knew it was me, it was always just me. Never you. Why?

Why not just take 10 seconds to quietly whisper in my ear? Why not dispatch the lowliest of your trillions of angels, surely you have a dozen for every person in this world. Why did you remain so quiet? In my deepest moments of need, when tears streamed down my face, and I screamed and begged for you to just be there, to let me know you heard me, why didn’t you? Why did you hide? When I suffered and felt pain, why did you hide? You made a thousand promises in the Bible, but you didn’t even keep one for me? God, you know how much I wished for it, how many times I promised you that I’d give everything up for you. You know that I offered to give up my life, I was willing to sacrifice it all, my money, prestige, family, future, all of it for you. Yet you remained silent and distant, you never explained any of it, God, please, tell me why?

2. Why do you choose torture people in hell?

God, I sincerely can't understand your desire for the pain of others. Vengeance is never the answer, even Jesus taught us to turn the other cheek. What possible benefit do you have for causing so much pain and misery for these people? What sense is there in torturing a woman for a trillion years for a short miserable life of 50? Why would you want to punish people? Why desire to cause them such dire pain and torment? Why do you prefer that they receive pain than forgiveness? Why not empty hell? Do you not have compassion for these people as they are burning? While you look at their screaming faces and withering bodies, have no you love... or at least pity?

Is your vengeance so overwhelmingly powerful that you would not rescue them from the burning fire after a time? I would not wish such a punishment on my worst enemy, and I am but a mere human mortal, not perfect by any means. A thousand trillion years of torture for every second of sin  feels so cruel and pernicious, why would you even dream that up in the first place? Why does such horrendous vengeance please you so? Why not change it to something, to anything, that is kinder and more merciful? Why such horrendous vengeance more important to you than kindness and forgiveness?

3. Why would you refuse to answer prayers that help the needy?

Do you remember those sick children God? The ones I prayed for? Time and time again, as my eyes would glance upon them in their state of utter misery, eyes filled with tears, begging you for help, I joined them in prayer. I wished for you to swiftly come and help. Cancer, malaria, aids, muscular dystrophy, such horrific and ugly things. Why did you let them exist in the first place I’ll never understand. But even more so, why did you ignore the prayers of the needy? You promised God, in the Bible, I can quote you the book by heart, you promised to help people, you promised to answer prayers. So why didn't you do it God?

Why did you make a promise and then disappear into the silence? Every day of my life, billions of people suffered unimaginable sorrows, all of them cried out to you and begged you for help, but you didn’t do anything. They listed the promises of the Bible, to answer our every need, to answer us in our time of trouble, but there was no reply. Our help came after thousands of years of your absence, we created antibiotics, vaccines, Tylenol, and surgery, we did it because you were not there. Every hospital we built is a somber reminder that you don’t answer prayers. A few people claimed you healed them, though our psychologists said it was placebo, but in the end, with such a small handful of people, it doesn’t matter. You promised to help us, but 99.9% of people in the world suffered and died in excruciating pain, begging for your help, and you never responded, even though it would cost you nothing at all. Why?

4. Why were you so violent in the OT era?

As I read the Old Testament, my heart broke a thousand timed, over and over again. I was not grieved by the people described in the book, I was grieved by it’s narration of you. I hoped it was wrong, but turns out you are the same God of the Old Testament. Why did you have to do it this way? Perhaps it’s too bold of me to question you, but I still will, not to judge you, but as a child who sincerely wants to understand his parent. I cannot fathom how you could promote such ugly, vile, barbaric cruelty? Why would that even interest you? Why would you even care about creating rules for slavery, teaching the subjugation of women, or commanding armies to brutally slaughter masses of small children? Why didn't you send Jesus in the very beginning?

Why didn’t you teach love, peace, and kindness from the start? Why did you send plagues and armies? Why did you support so much violence? My heart breaks just thinking about it? I thought so highly of you before I read the Old Testament, and now, please forgive me for this, I have a hard time differentiating you from your enemy? How are you two different if you both support such ugly violence? God, I’m so sorry, but I hoped for something more transcendentally beautiful from you.

5. Why would you be so unclear that there are thousands of religions and denominations?

When I looked for you, I heard stories from a thousand different people, who came from all kinds of backgrounds, and they all claimed to have seen you. But they described you differently. To some you were a Trinity of persons, to others a pantheon, and still to others just One. Each of our religions had different pictures, rules, and rituals. From our measly human perspective, it was so difficult God, utterly difficult, to know the truth. How was I supposed to know which religion to pick? They all argued convincingly, they were all persuaded, millions of people from every religion died for their faith. God, they died – they gave up their one and only life - that’s how certain they were. And yet it turns out almost all of them were wrong.

That just seems so unfair God, why would you allow such chaos and confusion? Why not make your Bible clearer? There was so much you could have done to prevent this, all at no cost to you, so why leave us to blindly grapple with the invisible? Why not simply make write your dictates in the stars? Why not spell it out in our hearts, in such a way it’s impossible to misinterpret? Look at our modern books, they are not vague, they are clear, there is no misinterpretation of these, there are not 2,000 different ways to interpret our modern legal code, we have found ways to write coherently and unambiguously, so why didn’t you? Why didn’t you make it perfectly clear God? At least we would all focus on obeying/disobeying the true religion, instead of dealing with the confusion and fear of joining one of the millions of false religions.

 

Would God reply?

And what would happen then?

If the evangelical Christians are right, God’s wrathful anger would boil hot and he would crush me and torture me, as I scream in breathless agony. That version of God would probably never stoop so low as to answer my questions, I’m a rebel that needs to be burned and destroyed, nothing more.

But if there is a real God and it/he/she is perfectly good, then I am certain we will have the most interesting conversation in the history of the universe.

Comments (36)

sharon
I don't hate you. I don't want to judge you. But I have in my younger years asked myself these same questions. Some of them are still to be answered for me but a few I have found peace for. The question of why GOD is silent. GOD is silent because we are loud. Why should HE, the wonderful creator waste HIS energy trying to force us screaming children mid -tantrum to listen to HIS infinite wisdom? If we did not listen to prophets, we didn't listen to evangelists, to the scriptural texts, or to JESUS when HE suffered the hate and agony of mankind, why should HE now, after trying so hard and giving us so many signs and directions speak to those who are already not listening? Sometimes we think things over so much that we ask these questions without actually preparing ourselves for answers. We are not listening to GOD, we are waiting for our turn to speak again. Sometimes we see things so close up that we only see a very tiny fragment of the picture. Personally I have been blessed to have GOD speak to me (not in a physical audible voice) but in many ways I would have never expected. The one most prominent in mind is september 11, 2001. I had plans to go to NYC with a close friend. We were going to be in manhattan and walk through most of midtown. I was scheduled to work a double shift even though I had requested off. I found co-workers to cover my shifts for me, but my manager still refused to let me have off work. I prayed over and over and over, even to the point that I considered calling out of work. My manager approached me and told me if I was not there for work I would be fired. I couldn't be out of work, so I went in that day. As I sat drinking my morning coffee & watching the morning news on tv, I watched the footage of the hijacked airplane crashing into the world trade center. The answer to my prayers were then clear. The answers are not always so plain. Many times we lack the abilities to decipher where we need to be or what we need to be doing. However, please understand, GOD is not silent. HE has never been silent. HE speaks through scripture, through circumstances, through other people, through the universe, and even through our own thoughts and desires. I hope that you hear HIS voice tonight and that it heals some of the pain you feel in your heart.
John
I believe in God. Science increasingly provides evidence of such a being. However, it is not the anthropomorphic God of christianity. If God did not intervene for the Holocaust, he never intervenes.
Andres Cortaletz
Pride and rebelion
jb
Ignorance and arrogance on your part Andres
Noah Wolf
What shall we say then? Is there injustice on God’s part? By no means! But who are you, O man, to answer back to God? Will what is molded say to its molder, “Why have you made me like this?” (‭Romans‬ ‭9‬:‭14, 20‬ ESV) Just read that whole chapter.
Igor Kostyukov
Your blog reminds the Bible reader of a modern day Job. However, I know that you have not gone through anything like Job has gone through. His answer after it all was repentance, awe, and praise. I appreciate your compassion for the fellow human. Even your love. While love is the most important thing for a human to have it is not for a perfect being such as God. Humans ought to focus much more on love because we are faulty and do not have the perfect judgment of justice, wisdom, planning, and above all perfect holiness. We fail in so many ways. For a human love ties in and makes all other attributes count and worthwhile. God is perfect in love, justice, wrath, anger, and patience. (I know that you have heard this before in so many ways but I pray that this time it penetrates deeply.) God does not have love dominate His attributes nor should He. all of His attributes are perfect and harmoniously working together. Reading your blog you completely undermine justice. You have no need to fear a honest earthly judge because his standards are nowhere near to God's standards. You might ask why are God's standards so darn high then. The answer seems in a way laughable but it is perfect. The answer is that his justice is perfect. If He didn't hold people accountable to everything (seen, unseen, thought, desired, and so on) then he would cease to be God. Are you so proud as to say that you have not lusted after another woman in the last year or desired evil on someone in any type of way? Has your tongue not slipped on many occasions? What human judge will condemn you for this? None of them for they do not judge perfectly. Every wrong ought to be punished. Indeed, the perfect being ceases to be the perfect being if wrongs are overlooked. You might even agree with me up to this point. Ok, Igor, I have sinned (although I do not believe them to be great sins), I also agree that a perfect being ought to be perfect in judgment. This is where you will disagree. You will say, "How in the world is eternity a fair punishment for lust, a lie, a few slips of the tongue? Again, an imperfect being will give a lesser judgment than God. God gives such a judgment because He is infinitely prefect and wise. When we sin we do not sin only against ourselves, against the person we sinned, but also against God. Every time we sin, we sin against God. This is no mistake and just as well. For if there is such a perfect being then He certainly deserves to be praised with our whole being and whenever we sin we praise something else other than Him. This is not a light sin because the person that we sinned against is an infinitely great God. I will show you how this is clearly fair even in our warped view of justice. If we sin against our average Joe neighbor and threaten him in some way we will have to answer for this. If we sin against the President in this way then the punishment will be much more severe. We appreciate this and agree with this because there person that is sinned against is more important (not as a person but in their role). God, however, is more important in every way. Make no mistake about it, when any of us do come into contact with God we will fall on our face and try to hide in some way because our sin will be so much more clearly seen. It is a sad matter that people will eternally suffer in Hell. Is it just, absolutely. It would be perfectly just if all people went to Hell. BUT this is the great and marvelous news. God sent His Son to take the just punishment for us that believe in Him. God is perfect in grace as well but Grace does not dominate His being. God is perfectly wise and we will trust Him with what does not make perfect sense. In conclusion I will say... The argument above is sufficient. Will it bring everyone to faith and is it what brought me to mature faith in Him? No. I believe and continue to believe all the more because His Word gives life to me and to those believing around me. I have purpose, I have victory, I have community that is built on the Rock. Can you say that you have LIFE?
Igor Kostyukov
Continue to wait for God and seek Him. Your cries for God also remind one of David in many of the Psalms. A possible answer God would give you... Psalm 130:5 I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; Hebrews 12:3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Isaiah 40:31 but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.
Tom Smith
I'm sure he has heard all of these arguments, and he has probably found them unconvincing. The reason we are not convinced is because while I can cause real harm to my neighbor or to the president, there is no possible way I can harm an omnipotent, unchanging God. In light of this fact, can we call eternal conscious torment a just punishment? If I steal a candy bar from a store, should I get life in prison? Why should we suffer eternally for our sins when the effects of our sins on people are not eternal and god is in no way harmed by them? Punishment isn't even the right word, because it implies correction. When someone is punished, it is so they can learn to avoid undesirable behaviors in the future. This isn't the case for those poor souls in hell, many of whom led exemplary lives that would put many saints to shame. Sadism is a better word for it. This is of course assuming this reality exists. I think you should watch this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-i3mX0YRrjM Sam Harris describes much more eloquently than I ever could the immorality of the Christian worldview.
Anton Kalashnikau
Hey man)) I see what you are going through and the questios you are asking God, and this life in general. We are humans and we all have this longing in our hearts for something more. Our hearts are never satisfied with unclearness and contradictions. So I encourage you to keep seeking; keep seeking God. He does have answers to many of our questions, not all because He is God, He is the Creator and we are his creation. But anyways, there are a lot of great books that explain God's nature. They can help you understand God in the OT, for example, wasn't only destroying people, but to the very extreme He was slow to anger, very patient. And a lot of places from the Bible testify about that)) so there are a lot to look for, study, and examine. Same with the injustises that are seen in this world /:) God is not the cause of all of it. Humans are. Our selfish nature and desire to above everyone else neglects the dying out in the streets! Especially today it is visible how people ignore everyone else. There are wars going on, but people sit quietly and watch the football games or something. However, Jesus was a huge example that He is not us, but He came to save the lost and broken. And His main message was to go preach and help others because this is His kingdom, this His nature. Today through our hands and feet God wants to reach the lost, the broken, and the hopeless. We see that the solution is there, but many people ignore it - simply blaming God! This is a great concept that we always forget. Peace to you man. If you will have any questios, specific once, I would like to give my best to answer them. Also if you need some really good book suggestions I have some too :) God bless you.
Artur B
Hey Yuriy. I don't know you but, we may have some mutual acquaintances. To be transparent, I am a Christian, and a minister in a church. I read this post and realized that the worldview you're bringing in when writing about the Bible and the God of the Bible is a little troubling. I am concerned with inconsistent argumentation you used here. (Note: I am not attacking your character, nor questioning your sincerity. My issue is with the logic you used and incoherent conclusions you came to.) It seems to me that you are searching for answers. You say: "How was I supposed to know which religion to pick?" That's a standard question of epistemology.. how is it we know anything anyway? I would love to carry on a conversation, or a correspondence, or even a phone call. If you are willing and able. I think a good discussion on here or over email would benefit us both. Iron does sharpen iron, does it not? Hope that you are willing to engage. Hope all is well, Artur
Marina
I don't know you just had your wife as a friend on Facebook that one friend you don't really know who had so much love for Jesus. Jesus who loved us so much He died on the cross for us. Now reading this how do you go from loving God so much to not believing in him? Do you now believe in aliens? And that we came from monkeys? Maybe signed up to support illuminati? I usually don't read blogs didn't know you even had one just always saw your wife post things on Facebook how amazing God is!
jb
Wow you are ignorant and stupid, what the hell is wrong with you? Read a blog post, don't like it, begin to attack the writer? Thats the sign of a small mind.
GodIsNotLovingIfHeSendsPeopleToHell
@marina The least you could do is stop being so small minded. You should do research on subjects like evolution or alien life and observe the scientific evidence found rather than denying it without knowing the even basics of it. And stop reading conspiracy sites.
Marina
I kept you in my prayer last night and will keep praying for you even though I don't even know you! God loves His children!
GodIsNotLovingIfHeSendsPeopleToHell
Praying makes absolutely no difference,. If i had a cold flu and prayed everyday for "God" to heal my flu until i am no longer sick, that doesn't mean God answered my prayer, it only means the cold virus is no longer in my system.
SEDA
I think God is equally as violent in current times than ever before.
Roman
Yuriy I wouldn't be surprised if you announced you are gay a year from now when you leave your faith the word says it is better you haven't been born and God condemns those people to perversion but not all you have christian parents you still have a chance to salvation!!! Those who deny me before man I will deny before my father,,, your '' education'' has done you nothing but brought you closer to the gates of hell!!!!
Tom Smith
... He's happily married... People don't just become gay...
GodIsNotLovingIfHeSendsPeopleToHell
Pentecostal life is miserable for me. Because of it i am depressed ,i have constant thoughts of wishing i never existed at all or die(even though i don't want to die), i don't fear death(probably cause of depression i supressed my emotions) because i honestly don't care whether i die and if nothing happens or if there is an afterlife or not(but i hope there is), and of course hell doesn't exist silly thing someone made up.
Karolina potafii
You don't need science and philosophy to find God. You simply need a humble and open heart to the Word of God that was written by HOLY SPIRIT not scientists or philosophers that are human and sinners just as you and me. Side note, proof read your work before you pablish it. Many grammar errors make it hard to take this post seriously.
Corbett Cappon
Hey Yuriy, thanks for being open about your thoughts as of late, along with expressing them so eloquently and such. I appreciate that you stick to the core issues and come from a questioning background rather than a statement making background, since it helps avoid people from getting distracted from the core issues, and ... I dunno, for reasons I'm not sure I'm good at explaining, is just a better mindset to be coming from I would think. Though feel free to post however you best see things. Your post more clearly explains some of the questions I have, which I appreciate, and I'm glad I have this blog to see how your journey plays out. Helps me to better understand humanity, and aspects of myself, be it directly or indirectly. Anyways, I just wanted to give you some encouragement for having the guts to make a quality post like this, to balance out folks like Roman below, who I imagine are just one example of many in your life who make it hard to be open about stuff. sigh
Bob
Christian apologies for God's failures are always apologetic, emotional and philosophical. If there were actual evidence for God's existence, none of these conversations would ever occur. The Bible is no more proof of God's existence than Harry Potter books are of Harry Potter. The beauty that we see in this world proves nothing more than that there are things we find beautiful. It is just as easy to find things that are disgusting and evil. If God created everything, he created both. Talk is cheap. If God was real, it would be obvious to everyone. Not just to those who "believe, but have not seen." Such arguments are the same as those from people who are convinced of the existence of Bigfoot, Unicorns, UFOs, etc.
VB
I always in the biggest jaw dropping awe when someone says there's no God, or says they don't believe in God, how can anyone not??? Look around!!! Everything we see is Gods creation, no human could have place an ocean on those plates that are holding the 2/3 of the water, the moon, the sun, the stars, the planets! That's NOT a man made beauty! How about us? Humans!!! From a little tiny seed that comes from a man, grows in woman's womb becomes beautiful human beings, the body is created so uniquely where every single organ does its own job to keep us alive!! All the "bad" that's happining in this world WAS/IS made by humans, not by God! God gave us choice, so some do bad things, but why blame or question God, why not question those that commit all these crimes?? You have to be a real fool to even "think" there's no God! Everything around us is a "prove" that there is!! He is real and those that are faithful to Him will soon meet Him and be with Him in His kingdom! And those that don't and question God, I doubt you will have the chance to ask all these questions mentioned in this blog....no one has the authority to question our Creator!
jb
Thanks for the great post, seeing these angry and condescending replies from fundamentalist Christians is only proof that these are good questions. If they were easy questions with easy answers, the people would simply give answers, instead they run around in circles trying to make you look evil Thats evidence they don't have answers and haven't ever thought about it.
Sergey prokopovich
I think biggest mistake that we think of God as in human form like in Greek mythology. Yuriy you mentioned painting pictures of God. It was highly forbidden in Hebrew covenant. That is why in our Christian mix Hebrew and Greek view of God gets quite confusing as we grow intellectually. We need to reform our views and try to step out of a box to have different perspectives. Looking at your posts you're trying to do that but still judging God from same perspective. Through out the bible there is a think about knowledge of God that it's very important to get to know Him. Pharisees new everything about Messiah but did not notice him when he came because they stuck to one perspective. Thinking that oval is only round but not rectangular and they rejected him for being rectangular. Did you ever tried to think of God like a flowing river that has a name personality and can talk. In some places it's quiet but in some it's very violent it's telling you were is safe to approach and were it is deadly. Will you blame river in drowning you if you jumped in violent waterfall and argue that this river is deadly, without notice that same river that killed you, sustains many life forms. Why do we blame God for every poisoning fruit we eat and struggle afterwards. When He tries to teach us how is this world operates. Many Scientific discoveries was pure enlightenment of supernatural invasion to help us. But we humans with our selfishness turned it in efficient ways to take lives. Creating viruses and poison. Releasing radiation and other waves that cussing many mutations. Saga of forbidden fruit and Pandora box continues in parallel story of redemption and salvation also continues. Sorry if my thoughts not very clear and abstract but try to understand it. Christianity is like math or science that you can learn and practice it is not color of a sport team. By practicing teaching of Christ we will obtain ability to stay in positive mood (fruits of the Spirit) that will effect all aspects of our life and I am not even talking about supernatural abilities it is bonus that we shouldn't rely on.
Sergey prokopovich
Cylinder not oval
Sergey prokopovich
There were hundreds of occasion where I had to make up answers in my head, hoping they were from you, but deep down I knew it was me, it was always just me. Never you. Why?...... Why are you so certain that those thoughts were you??? And not God... What is truly you??? and what is God all in all and every thing from and everything to? What do you know about true you??? According by Carl Gustav Jung (who is not by any means religious most modern psychology based on his work) the deepest true altruistic self is actually god. And we start hearing it after spiritual awakening we Christians call it born again. Some call enlightening, or awakening....
Aaron
You said: "I’ve spent so many years looking for you, I’ve studied science and philosophy, I’ve studied the Bible, and a little bit of the books of other religions. I read the arguments and studies, I did the calculations, hoping and seeking, but all I really wanted to was to be your friend, to know you were real. You saw that I devoted thousands of hours praying to you, talking to you, asking you to show me you were more than a figment of my imagination. And all those times you never answered, not even once. Not even for one second. There were hundreds of occasion where I had to make up answers in my head, hoping they were from you, but deep down I knew it was me, it was always just me. Never you. Why?" Yuri, i read your 5 part why you changed series. Ive had most questions you have raised but have managed to resolve them. I wont go into that here but i will take a stab at why God never answered you and perhaps why you've never experienced him at all (and why ur an agnostic now). You mentioned that you swore at the Holy Spirit and then wrote it off as not a big deal because your dad said so. Jesus did emphatically say that whoever speaks a word against the Spirit will not be forgiven now or into eternity. They commit an eternal sin. Have you ever thought that perhaps that is a possible explanation as to why God never manifest himself? This is just my speculation. Perhaps you actually did commit the unforgivable sin? God alone can (and will ) judge. Perhaps your dad was right. Im not sure. But im just providing a counter narrative. A possible explanation. You couldn't live with the internal incongruence of ever committing an eternal sin...so like athiests you deal with it by denying His existence. The reality i have (and genuine born again christians) is experiential. I relate to alot of ur story. I became dissilusioned with pentecostalism and became a reformed baptist but a continuationist.
Aaron
Ps. If I were in ur shoes i would still seek God for forgiveness (as perhaps you haven't commited the unforgivable sin). That said, don't wage war with God with all your agnostic /atheistic junk. Your arguments are regurgitated athiestic arguments. A proud heart passing judgment on God, an extreme faith in theoretical science. Etc. I've genuinely looked into macro evolution (as i dont think evolution and christianity are mutually exclusive) but still am not convinced. Evolutionary theories are frequently revised. Anyway - thats a pointless argument to have as i dont see it as incompatible. I write this so you aren't despondent but i honestly think your heart is hardend and thats it. Words will not convert you...only the Spirit can but if you have actually blasphemed the Spirit - He wont convict you. Its akin to the sin of Satan. No forgiveness just a future fearful thought of the eventual judgement of God on the sons of disobedience. (Hebrews)
Aaron
This ones for you yuri - its probably a better definition of the blasphemy of the Spirit. Attributing Christs miricals to Satan when witnessed first hand. So i doubt you have. http://www.equip.org/article/what-is-the-unpardonable-sin/
Adil Ahamed
Hi Uriy ! The 5 questions bear answer for you. There is a quote from Prophet Muhammad "The one who realises himself will know his Lord" To realise this you need to meditate regularly for few minutes and you will find changes in the self (being) and slowly from your conscious mind level will you be transcend to the superconsious level of being will you attain the bliss (truth). Your doubts will be cleared. This is what Prophet Jesus (pbuh) thought the mankind and the same the sealed Prophet Muhammad updates the same in Quran. The updated version of True Bible is Quran. Everything is within us and we need to search for it with the help of True Spiritual Master who had attained the bliss through baptism (Initiation which in Arabic is Bayath) to receive it from Master. The Master will teach us practically how to attain the Lord through spirituality. You can visualise and feel the kingdom of heaven within you. The crucifixtion concept changed the total values of it to a new law which is not true.
Adil Ahamed
To attain spiritual realms of true supreme being (universal consciousness which is Truth (which can be attained only when the sixth sense is opened through baptism (door key for wisdom guidance through which Kingdom of Heaven) that can acheived with the help of a true saint or pope (master). For eg. Saint Simon Peter, Saint Barnabas, Saint Thomas, Saint James brother of Jesus, Saint Josephus in those days. We need to search people like them who are very pure by heart, humble, simplicity and God fearing.
Petrus
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TonyaChief
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Tom Sperduto
Yuri, I'm thankful for your vulnerability. I'm grateful John 6:39 is a response. I believe Proverbs 25:2 connects to Jeremiah 29:13. What occurs together by God’s providential arrangement of circumstances could possibly lead us to cross the road for His purpose. Possibly, only known when scripture becomes our personal experience. How much faith do we have in coincidence? If it's God’s glory to conceal things our seeking is also glory. We don't hear much about how seeking is such a heavy cross when it leads to more looking and a lot less rest. Sometimes I think humility answers just about anything. But, as soon as I think humility is possible, I realize I missed the point of seeking it. Possibly what we seek can only be experienced by flipping questions and perspectives. You wrote a poem that brought that to mind for me. I wish you all the best.
Tova
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